Chaos Through Adventure
by R-dude
Summary: Regrets are for those who do not chase after their dreams, for those who 'settle' and do not live the lives they truly want to. Sinbad is not such a person. He has no regrets at the end of his life. Perhaps, however, there are some things he wishes he had the courage to dream about.


**~S~**

**Chaos through Adventure**

**~S~**

Sinbad is 25 years old when he outmaneuvers Eris for the first time, saves the peace of 12 cities and sails away with the woman of his dreams after having repaired his relationship with his childhood friend.

_Fair winds, calm seas, nothing much to tell. _

He's promised his men vacation at Fiji, but they do not go, nor had they expected to. They sail, and for a while Sinbad is happy. His ship, his crew, his dog, his woman and the ocean. There is nothing else he could ask for. He loves Marina, and she loves him.

**~S~**

Sinbad is 27 when Eris visit him for the first time after the Syracuse incident, bearing gifts. She appears to him suddenly, being her usual coy and flirtatious self, temptation positively dripping from her appearance, words and expression.

She offers him the location of a wood-worker of world renown. One that could give the Chimera the make-over she needs after long years of sailing. All Sinbad has to do is a small errand for her, one that in no way involves the death of any of his friends, current or past.

_Adventure is what you seek, is it not? I can offer you that. That, and so much_ more.

Sinbad refuses, though he does not dare laugh in the face of the goddess of discord. Just before she blinks away in a shimmering rage, he informs her, amusedly, that her attempts at seduction would work better if the lower part of her body was anything other than wispy smoke.

She vanishes and Sinbad goes back to his life, vowing to himself that he will not be manipulated ever again, goddess or not.

He and the Chimera sail the seas. He shows Marina the wondrous places he has gone to, and together they discover new ones. The world is not big enough, but at the same time infinite; its wonders uncountable but at the same time so very few.

Her spirit of adventure is second only to his own, and Sinbad loves her for it. They are both careful, neither wanting a child at this stage of their life.

_Too young too dangerous sailing the world not married can't notyetnotyetnotyet-_

**~S~**

Sinbad is 29 years old when Eris appears to him again. He is pleased to note her long, slender and completely _human_ legs, sometimes peeking out from the slits of her dress. He does not comment on it, but his grin speaks for itself. He is certain that the occasional slip of her dress, as with anything to do with the goddess, is anything _but_ accidental. To not look at someone obviously showing would be insulting, and he does not want to insult Eris.

He is equally surprised and pleased to see that this time, though she requires his services again, she speaks to him in negotiating terms, like an equal. He knows it is all part of the plan to get him to help her, but he does not much care. It works. He listens to her and her terms. He takes the job, discards her terms, and sets his own. She looks sour, but accepts.

_You bargain harder than many gods, Sinbad. It's one of the things I like about you, though not so much when it's directed at_ me.

That is when he has his first real fight with Marina. She is vehemently against working for Eris. She can't understand how he can do it, how he could forget how she plotted to have him and Proteus killed, to destroy the 12 kingdoms and plunge them into chaos.

Sinbad tries to explain that he has not forgotten all of these things, but he is a businessman first and his grudges take a backseat to that. He explains in detail what Eris wants him to do; a retrieval mission that will not kill or seriously harm anyone, and that despite their history, Eris pays well and her request is reasonable.

Marina eventually gives, but he can see it in her eyes that she never understood. She will never forgive Eris for what she had tried to do.

Sometimes Sinbad will shake his head at this thought. Has _he_ forgiven the goddess? He doesn't think so, but that doesn't mean he can't do business.

Some other times he finds that there is nothing to forgive, because Eris is Eris. She does what is in her nature. He can no more hate her for acting her nature than he can hate himself for wanting to sail the seas for the rest of his life. Eris' nature just expresses itself with much more destructive results.

Other times, he thinks that there is nothing to forgive, because Eris isn't really a person. Eris is a goddess, the idea of discord and chaos given form. She is a concept granted life. To judge her in human terms is laughably stupid and ignorant.

But then he remembers her face twisted in a rage, or locked in a flirtatious smile, or the way she would rub against him or how she _changed_ her outward appearance for him; and think that these are entirely human reactions. Maybe the truth lies in neither divine nor human nature, or perhaps in both.

**~S~**

Sinbad is 30 years old when he first sleeps with Eris. At the time, he is posing as a Greek diplomat in the grand halls of Argus. She finds him in his quarters, and Sinbad can recognize a seduction when he sees one. Though he had considered the possibility of this happening at some point, he finds himself surprisingly caught off guard. To his eventual shame, he doesn't resist beyond a token effort. Their passion has nothing to do with love, Sinbad is, at least, very much aware of that. It is more of a struggle for dominion over another and for once, the playing field is even, the goddess being in human form and acting very much like the woman she had teased Sinbad with for all these years.

Their struggle wrecks most of his quarters, but when he wakes up the next morning he finds no one next to him. He has no idea who won their battle, and he expects Eris to pop in at any time to demand something of him. He waits and waits, but Eris does not show. Days later, he begins to think that maybe the goddess did not plan to use his momentary lapse in judgment against him, at least not anytime soon.

He feels guilt tear at him, and does not tell Marina. It is not the first time he has slept with other women, of course. Sinbad, for all his love of Marina, cannot really change his lifestyle. Though Marina is usually all he needs, sometimes her absence will lead him to seek company elsewhere. But this is different. The other women meant nothing to him beyond bodily and momentary satisfaction. It's different with Eris. It's _Eris!_ If Marina knew she would think him bewitched, or would think herself the fool for following him, all these years ago.

Over the next years, Eris visits him periodically. He sleeps with her—_of course_ he sleeps with her—for when a goddess offers you her company it is less an offer and more an irrefutable demand. A demand that you must feel honored to have received. Sinbad can no more refuse her than he could deny the call of the sea.

So, he sleeps with her.

_My black-hearted thief._

Eris, various times over the years, tries to coax him into working for her, into doing this or that to further her goals. Sinbad sometimes agrees when the mission does not go against his moral code, but he grows suspicious. Her visits are much more numerous than her mission offers. He suspects her attempts to coerce and manipulate him are half-hearted. He prides himself on being devious, but has no delusions as to who between him and the goddess would win a battle of wits. Thus, her behavior puzzles him, though he voices nothing.

Sometimes, in the dark of night with the goddess of chaos naked next to him in his bed, staring into his eyes mischievously—gods do not need human sleep in order to rest—he begins to form his own theories on the nature of the divine beings and their origins. Slowly, a theory is crafted, one he dares not share with anyone, least of all Eris. For if she was human, once, she would certainly not speak of such a time with _him_. She only swirls a delicate finger on his chest, looking at him with an inscrutable expression that is gone as soon as he notices, replaced by the flirtatious smirk that he's grown so accustomed to.

She is always gone in the mornings.

**~S~**

Sinbad is 32 years old when Marina finally leaves, seven years after she started sailing with him. Her wanderlust has been sated, she has seen enough of the world and its wonders that it is now her home that calls to her in her sleep. Sinbad thinks he understands, and drops her off with a heavy heart in Thrace. Their farewell is passionate, bitter, full of love and hate. She asks him to stay. He asks her to leave with him.

_Why do you love the ocean more than me, Sinbad? _

He does not stay to argue with her, he owes her enough to at least try to make the separation as painless as possible, her integration back to land as seamless as can be. To that end, he leaves the next morning, with the tide, knowing that a piece of his heart will always remain in Thrace.

Not long after, Spike passes away.

He finds comfort in his lifestyle. In drink, in women, in elaborate heists that he and his crew dare to pull; in thieving people blind. And when they are not enough, when he claws at his insides for meaning that just_ isn't there_, she appears.

Eris offers understanding, offers something he himself can _understand_. She tries to manipulate him, she tries to change him to fit her idea of him. He understands that and revels in it, at the same time as he resists her attempts.

Sinbad finally understands that, in her own way, Eris loves him. She is a goddess, and to her mortals are little more than tools, entertainment, or annoying ants, but still. He's not sure what she views him as, but she returns again and again over the years, popping up into his life like she cannot stay away. He think she likes the challenge he presents, as he very rarely agrees with her on anything. More often than not, she leaves their meetings either in silence, after sex, or in anger, after a talk. Maybe he is a toy that's just too shiny to stay away from, a scratchy pet that's just too cute to stop taking care of. He doesn't know.

He still finds it amazing how _human_ she appears and behaves around him, the only divine actions that she allows him to see being her appearing and disappearing acts. When her patience is tested, however, her deceit is revealed; her divine power flashing during her temper tantrums, but Sinbad was never fooled to need reminding.

One of the errands he runs for her earns him a favor. When Eris is locked in an ancient temple he manages to release her, earning him a favor to ask of the goddess. Anything and everything that is within her considerable power.

He sits on that favor for two years. Eventually, he calls on her, while outside a fortified camp in eastern Asia. The original plan involved distracting the guards of their only viable entrance point with courtesans from the nearby town and leaving the way open to invaluable treasure that the local warlold doesn't even know is in his possession.

What they have not taken into account is the fact that said town is gone, destroyed a few years ago in a local conflict. That puts a damper in their plans, and the crew gets ready to pack up and leave. There is no other way inside, and there is no other way of distracting the guards that will not raise every alarm possible.

Sinbad stops them, smiling faintly. She appears in all her divine glory, already knowing why he is calling her and prepared to do his bidding for this one and only time.

_What is it you desire? Riches beyond imagining? A castle? A country? Your lost love back? Myself, chained to you and bound to your every whim? _

What Sinbad and Kale need, is a distraction. They require someone of strong feminine wiles to allow them to slip into the fort undetected. She sputters at their request for a minute, her face reddening in anger and for a moment Sinbad thinks that she will somehow manage to break her word and smite him where he stands, but she eventually gives in.

Despite her distaste for the task, she performs it beyond expectation. She transforms herself into the perfect appearance, adopts the perfect attitude, and pulls the job perfectly, giving Sinbad and Kale the time they needed to get in and out with no one the wiser. She threatens with retribution that never comes.

If Eris looks at him with an expression of puzzlement that night after their passionate activities are over, Sinbad pretends not to notice.

**~S~**

Sinbad is 43 years old when he visits Syracuse for the last time, in order to attend King Dymas' funeral and King Proteus' coronation.

_Stay here, Sinbad. I could really use you around. Please, would you stay?_

He loves Proteus, but he does not stay for the party after the coronation. He says his final goodbyes to his first and best friend in private, and both know that they will not see each other again. Proteus' eyes water, but he is as understanding as he always has been, and professes his support and eternal gratitude to Sinbad. More words are said between the two old friends, and they embrace with no concern for appearances.

With a final goodbye, Sinbad leaves the new King of Syracuse.

He sees Marina on his way out, of course. She is there with her husband and two children. He does not know what tale she spun upon her return, how she explained her seven years of absence from Thrace. Somehow, he doesn't think that being the lover of a pirate for seven years would have gone down well for her. Whatever lie she told, it seems to have worked and her honor is as unspoiled as it ever was. Sinbad finds no resentment for her, only understanding. He could never resent Marina.

He finds himself happy for her. He had expected his heart to ache and drag the rest of his body painfully towards her, but time and the sea has healed his wound. It is still there, but a scar is not enough to take over his mind.

They speak. Marina is apprehensive, stealing looks at her husband every so often. Their words start polite, but soon become heated.

_Did you ever truly love me?_

He blinks confusedly at that. Is this what she has convinced herself of? Is this the lie she told herself in order to make the separation less painful? That he had never loved her? He supposes that if this is the path she chose to take, he can do this one last favor for her and help her stay in blissful denial, for old times' sake.

He responds nothing and just walks away.

He had never outright told Marina that he loved, but only because he is of the belief that such statements are hollow and frivolous. He had conveyed his love with action, every single day that they had been together.

He returns to his lifestyle. Him, his crew, and the Chimera. He misses Spike, but does not get another dog. The only one left from the original crew is Kale, who would never leave his side. The others either retired, changed professions, or died, to be replaced by other people, new brothers and crewmates.

He sails the seas, sees the wonders of the world, oftentimes stealing some. To his growing annoyance, the agility of his youth has all but vanished, and his joints start to ache after heavy exertion. He can't run as far or as fast, and he gets tired much more easily. It is with great distaste that he finally learns to be _careful_.

**~S~**

_Let me make you an immortal._

Sinbad is 46 years old when he is first offered godhood by Eris. He sees the gleam in her eyes that signifies that though her offer is genuine, this is just part of the game she has prepared, should he accept.

He refuses, and takes great relish in her confusion. She cannot possibly understand how one such as him, a fortune-hunter, thrill-seeker, would deny the ultimate prize. With immortality, she says, he can sail the world forever. Discover every nook and cranny and crevice, strip the Earth of all its secrets. He could live forever and be as powerful as _she_ is.

He shakes his head. She does not understand that there is no meaning when there is nothing else to discover, nothing new to see, no challenge in stealing what he could have with a snap of his fingers.

No purpose in being immortal next to her if she _still_ views him as a rather fascinating toy for her amusement.

Sinbad refuses again, and tells her to go, for the first time denying the chance to spend the night with a goddess. Eris' fury and confusion fuel happy dreams for months afterwards.

Sometimes he wonders if he is a terrible person. If Marina was right about him, in the end. If what Eris saw inside him that led to her attraction to him wasn't as wrong as he thought it was.

He doesn't linger in such thoughts overmuch. He'd chosen his path decades ago.

**~S~**

_Sinbad!_

Sinbad is 54 years old when Kale dies. A smuggling job gone wrong, opposing pirates ambushing them, Kale taking the arrow that would have surely killed Sinbad. He holds him as he dies, and the big man has only a grin to offer as he finally repays the life debt he owes Sinbad.

Sinbad promises to meet him soon.

Eris joins him again, and he does not refuse her. That night, she says nothing. No attempts at coercion, genuine or faked. No honeyed lies, or misleading compliments or thinly veiled insults. Nothing. She is just _there_. When Sinbad opens his eyes the next morning, he thinks he sees her shape next to him, although it is gone the moment he opens them again after blinking.

He thinks it is the kindest thing she's ever done for him.

**~S~**

Sinbad is 58 years old when he loses the Chimera. He has completed Eris' mission, but is left stranded ashore as his ship is torn to pieces by the gigantic sea serpent whose treasure he has stolen.

The sight breaks him. More than Marina's abandonment or Kale's death, the loss of the Chimera brings Sinbad to his knees.

Eris' voice echoes through his ears. She will bring the Chimera back, if only he accepts her offer to become immortal, standing next to her.

Sinbad considers. For one terrible day, he considers. When Eris finally appears again, this time certain that she has figured Sinbad out, he explodes. His anger is immense, his refusal flat-out and impossible to ignore. Not even the loss of the Chimera and the sea is enough to push him to her hands. He refuses to be her toy, only made bigger and shinier. He will not be taken as a pet, to be made immortal so as to amuse her forever.

In his rage, he misses Eris' expression falter.

She vanishes while he rants, but he doesn't stop. He releases all the frustration he has accumulated over the years of association with Eris, yelling himself hoarse against the ocean. All his confusion and bewilderment over her contradictory behavior. All his anger at her mixed signals and the misfortune she has brought upon him.

In the end, he slumps on the shore, spent.

When he wakes up, the Chimera waits for him on the gulf, and there is no sign of the goddess of discord anywhere. He cuts his hand, to make sure that he has not made the deal and simply cannot recall it, but he bleeds red just as he always has.

In the following years, he receives no visits. Sometimes he thinks he sees a shape in the darkness of his cabin, but when her looks at the shadowy corners there is nothing.

He revisits some of his older and wilder theories, tries to connect Eris' behavior with some pattern, some meaning. He is uncertain of his conclusions.

In the end, Eris is remembered with both fondness and irritation. His still waits for her next visit, even as he continues his travels around the world.

Sometimes, when he is alone with his thoughts, he ponders his own -incredibly stupid and illogical- feelings for the mad goddess. It is beyond reason, beyond any sense of rightness or logic, and yet ...

**~S~**

Sinbad is 68 years old when he dies.

The Chimera is sinking, the result of an ambush by the joined naval forces of two persian cities, his crew either dead, dying, or captured.

He lays against the destroyed mast of his ship, prepared to go down with it. His body is broken, but his mind is peaceful. This is the end he had envisioned for himself. This is how he'd wanted to go, with his ship, to sail it again in the next life.

Regrets? A funny thought, for Sinbad very rarely thinks of the past. No, he has no regrets. He has lived his life as he wanted and to the fullest. Regrets are for those who did not chase after their dreams, who did not live the life they wanted to.

No, no regrets. But maybe ... maybe there were some dreams that he dared not dream. Some parts of his life that he dared not wish to pursue. These are not regrets, exactly, just half-forgotten what-ifs that bear no real meaning, in the end.

Above his broken and bleeding body, _she_ appears. He opens clouded eyes to see her, and smiles. He'd half-expected to see her, in the end. He greets her with the last of his strength, and knows he will be able to say no more.

She looks at him, studies his face, and her expression is devoid of her usual arrogant countenance, the air of haughty superiority so characteristic of her. Her lips are pursed and her brow furrowed; not in worry, for she knows Sinbad is about to die and there is no sense in worry when one knows the outcome. Sorrow, perhaps?

She is kneeling next to him and holding his hand in her own. With as much strength as he can, Sinbad tries to squeeze back.

_Let me save you, Sinbad.  
_

He opens eyes that he'd thought he'd closed for the final time, and does not succumb quite yet. His tired mind whirls. What is she playing at? Does she think that he'll be more susceptible in his final moments? He no more wants her offer now than he did years ago and dying won't change that. He does not want immortality for himself, and refuses to accept it if she views him as anything other than an actual person.

He studies her face with the last of his clarity. It is unlike any expression he has seen on her face before. Her eyes sparkle with ... _something_. A feeling he'd never thought he'd see on the Goddess of Chaos. Something he'd hoped beyond hope to see when he was younger, but even then he understood the sheer impossibility of it.

_Please._

Closing his eyes and drawing his lips back in a faint smirk, Sinbad makes his decision. He can no more refuse her than he could deny the call of the sea.

**~S~**

For the first time in her immortal life, Eris finds herself with a companion. Everything is new and interesting. For the first time in her immortal life, she is bewildered, confused, flustered, loved, uncertain, and many other adjectives that she never would have though she would ever be. Boredom, a word she long associated with herself, is gone. There is no reason to play games with humanity any more; dissapointing as they always are.

Humanity may forget her existence, but she couldn't care less. There is no shortage of excitement with the new God of Adventure at her side.

**~S~**


End file.
